The diferance a week makes

A little break from the story, to say how amazing this week for me it has been. Monday I had a call from my former partner informing me that my photo driving licence had expired and according and technically I was driving around illegally.

Being a pure Yorkshire girl I loathe having to spend money twice, and so in a rush of blood to the head Karen Amanda Richards came into being sooner than planned, this also meant all my information had to change, tax, DVLA, passport, bank account and of course CSCS (I think the in call centre are is recovering well and should be back at work next month!!).

So as from Monday my two year real life experience began, a contract with myself to live 24/7 as a female and only use my female name. Friends and family should address me as Karen and also use the correct nouns and pro-nouns.

After this period (in which I will be prescribed female hormones) I can be referred for surgery and obtain a gender recognition certificate.

Tuesday came as the first day of my first aid certificate re-qualification; I walked into the classroom with the deed poll and handed it to Mary who was the course tutor who quickly realised what was going on.

The first module was on controlling shock, which after all the delegates seemed to need after the lady in the corner of the room introduced her in a typical male voice (this needs urgent attention!). The first coffee break came and it was very apparent that I was the isolated one in the group, most would have never met a transsexual in their lives never mind the inkling to understand one, so I was sat on my own.

The next module was practical demonstration to which I was partnered with a very nervous security guard who was obviously made worse by my presence, I think I now know what it was like to have Leprosy.

Lunch came and I walked to the local supermarket to get a sandwich, and was quite amazed the no-one seemed to read me, (this was a buzz!!). On my return one of the girls on the course decided to break the ice, I think it was out of curiosity and wanted quite a few questions answered, which I don't mind as I believe knowledge is the path to acceptance.

By the time the afternoon coffee break came all the ladies on the course were happily chatting with me, and it was the security guard that now had leprosy, as I always maintain women are much more accepting of diversity than men.

Day Two - Because I have held a four-day (now three) certificate for over 15 years, it was very apparent that I was at an advantage to the others on the course so most of the second morning was spent helping the girls revise for the forth coming exam and practical. The exam came and as usual 100%. Then came the dreaded practical which was to be done in pairs, and of course I got partnered with the security guard who was looking more nervous on hearing the pairing.

We were to go in pairs at 40 minute intervals and I was drawn last, so it was two hours sunbathing and revising with the girls until we were called in.

First I was given a practical to do with the security guard on control of bleeding, then came the CPR, which started fine -30 chest compressions followed by 2 rescue breaths, then back to the compressions 1,2,3,4,5,6,7 and suddenly a prosthetic breast flew out of my bra and onto the dummy, still I continued but the examiner was rolling on the floor and saying "enough, you obviously know what you are doing!

That evening I received an email with my first certificate in my new name!! WOW!

Thursday I was contacted by an employment agency wanting to discuss a contract, the guy was obviously driving and on hands free, 30 seconds into the conversation I dropped the bombshell, about my impending transition, and as he reversed his car out of the tree I had a surprise reaction, "Well the work you have done for us before has always been spot on, so I don't see it make that much of a difference”. Although I haven't heard anymore.

Friday was spent changing details over.

Then came today seven days of 24/7 female and an early morning doctor’s appointment. This was to do with my treatment which will move like a lethargic slug on the NHS. Fortunately I have a very kind and supportive GP who has refereed me to a private consultant in London so my hormone treatment can start as soon as September! Result

childhoods end

Some suggest the way a personality develops is a case of nature or nurture and that these conditions affect the way you turn out as an adult.

I must explain that with most that identify as LBGT are a case of nature, just how they are, how they feel and how they react.

As a Trans -gender person I knew I was different very early in life, I wasn't interested in rough and tumble and many of the games that the other boys played. I was quieter and reserved read books drew, and grew a very big dislike for violence. Most would have just called me soft but there was something else and this was helped by my best playmate who was my younger sister who I adored.

With only 2 years age gap we were very close, but I was also jealous of her. How she could dress differently, have a different hairstyle and every day look so pretty. While I was left with the same old male programming of how society thinks I should look clipper short hair short pants and t-shirt was the best I could expect or get.

I recall when I was around seven years old having  a nightmare that I was being forced to live as a boy for the rest of my life & I ran crying into my parents room for comfort, but wouldn't tell them what the nightmare was about. This nightmare never left me

My parents were very caring, but you also didn’t want to get on the wrong side of them. My mother had an extremely nasty temper that was easy to trigger (due to being mistreated as a child) and my father was quite mild mannered although this changed as he got older.

My older brother had learning difficulties but in the 1970's the education system did not recognise this.

It was always a case that he was forced into one organisation (Church choir, cub’s scouts, Army cadets) , good thing that my singing voice is a cross between the two Bobs (Dylan & Geldof !)

To ensure that he would stay out of trouble which my mother always feared, I feared that I would have the same sort of path.

As a child my health was not good convulsions lots of time off school and eleven weeks in hospital with pneumonia. I lost a great deal of school time and always seemed to be off with one ailment or another , and with my mum and dad working full time I had many hours on my own and I began to cross dress. First only something simple a dress of my sisters which I would wear for 20 minutes or so then hurriedly take it off , feel ashamed and promise myself I would not do it again . Only to repeat the whole process the very next day. This was probably how it was until I was around 11years old, very shy, not well socialised apart from playtime with my sister, and not very confident. By the time I reached by secondary school my father had made it his mission to toughen me up. This seemed to work on the surface, although I was still cross-dressing at every opportunity and getting better at concealing it. I didn't take to puberty well while my body was changing with the rush of testosterone into the bloodstream I longed for it to stop, so I could maybe become who I secretly was.

All the girls in my class were blossoming into young women, and while I was becoming someone I wasn't.

Still that was the way it was, and I felt totally alone in my inner self.

By the time I was 13, Rock music to my rescue, I loved the music, and as a fan could grow my hair out (parents did not approve!!) and become more and more androgynous. I was now playing quiet a lot of rugby and doing as many macho things as possible, but my female inner while suppressed would not go away and I dressed at every opportunity.

In 1980 BBC2 broadcast a groundbreaking series called a change of sex, which followed George on his journey to becoming Julia (Grant) who amazingly I got to know in later life, this I managed to watch in secret and it opened my eyes to what was possible. In my eyes there was Julia and I that had this problem, no one else.

I had started to drift apart from my sister, at that age it just wasn't done; she now had a large circle of friends, and had no time for her childhood playmate. She however had a rough idea, that there was something different with her brother.

We had both cross-dressed in role play in our early teens and she had noticed that I seemed to enjoy it more than her and didn't want to revert back to my male role.

In my teens I continued to dress in secret mainly late at night with whatever clothing I could acquire hidden even under the mattress or in the void behind the chest of draws, I must express although I got a rush from this, it was not sexual, more a relief to see the girl I should be looking back.

Stereotyping

Like most LBGT people I don't like labels, not every gay man is a effeminate as Larry Grayson or John Inman  , lesbian women don't all were dungarees , lumberjack shirts listen to KD Lang and hate all men!
In the same vein trans people don't aspire to be like Les Dawson, Danny LaRue or Lilly Savage. Most in the community do not try to be flamboyant and would rather blend into the background and live their lives with dignity and respect. 
We must remember that it its only 45 years ago , that anyone who I identified as LBGT could ( and often was) imprisoned , subjected to chemical castration (most famously Alan Turing), and Electroconvulsive therapy . This was used predominately on trans-people.
Sometimes stereotyping and the image of a group and organisation gets it wrong even the macho heavy metal band Judas Priest boasts the first openly gay heavy metal singer and the band have a massive LBGT following!
I remember in my teens I used to hang around with a well known 1 % biker gang   , one of the gang , a very big guy  and a good friend with a nasty reputation to boot , all of a sudden disappeared only to show up some years later , gone were the long hair and beard , gone was the leather jacket and denim cut and gone was almost 10st in weight. This was replace by  a rather slim smart guy who i seemed to recognise , but couldn't be sure , then as he approached the jukebox ,  I thought he would give himself away by his obligatory "born to be wild" instead we were treated to soft cell , divine ,and the pet shop boys. Yes it was my old biker friend and yes he had come out as gay and it goes to prove you never know.
The Rainbow flag which has been adopted by the LBGT community worldwide symbolises an ebracement of the differences that make up our society , and that all from whichever end of the spectrum you come from is accepted, respected and valued.
However this sometimes is not the case , I myself have suffered verbal abuse from gay men and lesbian women who do not believe  that trans people belong under the same banner. Its can be  like the  the scene in Blazing saddles where the Indians attack the waggon train and the only Black family are not allowed into the circle and have to form there own! 
The media do not help with constant hounding of LBGT people who are unfortunate to get even two  minutes of fame. Trans people tend to get hounded even more as we don't even need to have any fame its just we appear to be societies last taboo.  Channel 4 have recently been the first UK broadcaster to sign up to the trans media watch code of practise to ensure trans people are portrayed in a fair and positive light in future programmes.


Alan Turing                                                      Electroconvulsive therapy

   

                                                                                                          Rob Halford

First an introduction

   

 Firstly my name is Karen Richards and i work as a site/ project/ manager and a freelance Health & Safety adviser  (trade background).
I myself identify as transgender ( pre-op transsexual to be more precise)  & I have Gender Identity disphoria which is a genetic medical condition , not an illness or Mental disorder as some would assume. 
 What does that mean you may ask? Imagine waking up every day with your mind in the wrong body ? A true nightmare that I have lived with for over 40 years . One myth is that transgendered people are homosexual, this is so untrue - gender identity has nothing to do with sexuality.  The fact is it is now estimated that one in four thousand people in the UK are receiving some form of medical treatment / counselling for a gender identity issue. This means their could be as many as 155,000 potential transsexuals in the UK alone. The population of Cross dressers/transvestites is at least five times higher.

I have been working in the retail construction sector for 24 years, I like, most kept it closeted for years which led to low self esteem,alcohol abuse and depression that was  until five years ago when I was made redundant from a well known shopfitting contractor and I made what a decision to live my life how I wanted and not conform to the industry stereotype    . Some say I am brave some say I am stupid, but I did it. No as you may think I didn’t start coming to site wearing  , make- up ,a dress or high heels  (and still don't but my changes were gradual and more subtle. I grew my hair out, dyed it and it is now cut in a feminine bob style , my eye brows are shaped and tinted , nails manicured with clear polish toes painted (although you never see them for the safety boots) .

Has this cost me work –yes, do I get treated different to others on site- definitely  , but not to my face it’s the whispers and snigger's behind my back which hurt. Although once my colleagues get to know me this gets less  and less.  I probably have to prove my ability more than anyone to be able to hold any position and it always seems to be me who is first in the queue for being laid off.

I have also taken a very active role in the Trans community as a committee member of Manchester Concord www.manchesterconcord.org.uk which is a social /support group based in Manchester and also a trustee/ organiser of Sparkle -the national transgender celebration www.sparkle.org.uk which is the largest gathering of transgender people worldwide .
The purpose of this blog is to share my life experiences as a transgerderd person working in the construction industry, to highlight where I have met prejudice , the highs , the lows & incidents that sometimes seem completely bizarre.
For the protection of others I will not name specific companies , sites , or any personnel involved as this is not the point of this blog